it began when I was young

There’s a dirty vine that twist around the old house on Danny Drive. Were as younglings we learned of the hearts we would resurrect and kill; time and time again we do it. Did it. This cycle of forever is not going to change. My heart always runs through my mouth and stands twelve steps ahead. My mind over your matter? It never works.

We are a mess of errors and brokenness. Pieces of shrapnel with residual flesh.

I have not forgotten. How can I when my first life still shouts your name? I dream of you sometimes; or rather of who I wanted you to be, as though my subconscious operates for nothing but to ambush my waking world. The world in which you find out too late about what it means to live, to love and to be loyal to your own flesh and blood. This yearning is more than a shade of sorrow. It is a flame burning into itself, unto itself, and these tenth-degree burns on my flesh are more powerful than an earthquake.

I was the granted you took. I was the away you threw. I was the out you cast. Really, what voice do I have left to ask for anything from you? What word can I speak to change the mind of destiny to take us all back and make you whole and unbroken so that we could be as well? I can play with words for seven lifetimes. But oftentimes every syllable is a whipping.

Every letter is a flaying that eats layers of skin from kin. This cycle of forever is not going to change and sometimes I forget the forgiving.

Poems from the heart of Yoga: Go in and Go in

"There is no controlling life.Try corralling a lightning bolt,containing a tornado. Dam a stream and it will create a new channel. Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet. Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground. The only safety lies in letting it all in – the wild and the weak; fear,fantasies, failures and success. When loss rips off the doors of the heart, or sadness veils your vision with despair, practice becomes simply bearing the truth. In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes."

By Danna Faulds,

Save Her

What if she told you that everything about her
Is filled with half truths and lies?
What if all that she said, were full of scorn
And hate and guile?

Darling, watch that black crow
Everything about her has been all a show

She’s been living in a disguise
And lately it’s been so enjoying
But what is freedom in its purest form
When the possessor is hiding

She dances in her own music
The words roll out of her tongue
The orchestra will never stop playing
Breathing a symphony for her every wrong

It’s her addiction, compulsion, and her fatal mistake
Her eyes can see more than she’s showing
And her mind knows more than her telling
But she’ll never bleed

Once she falls, you’ll never know
She’ll keep it her dirty little secret
She’ll maintain the show

Go on, save her, she’s breaking.

Photo Credit

Dead Scrolls

You are the only one that makes me feel truly naked, I
burn and bleed and wink at these dead scrolls that
lie across my hood, strapped on with sinew twine.

Deepest truths are often hidden beneath pale lips and
not until something's said are they finally known
like black beetles; shining carapaces vibrating with pulse.

A life that you helped take, waste and wring out to dry
shriveled and whitened, bleached and boned,
gutted and hung
like crustacean pearls on a guitar string.

A Healthy Dose of Insanity

Smiling are my lips
Sinful are my words
Suppressed emotions; tongues that slip
Leads to the bereavement of the world

Held you close, your body cold
I watched your bloody beauty
We were laughing, crying
Tumbling soundly into ecstasy

♥Vivy's Nonsense: My, my, I missed you all! :]

Photo Credit ♥

Gravity - A Perfect Circle

Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

I am surrendering
to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me
lift me back up to the sun

I choose to live.

I fell again
Like a baby unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly, unable to just let this go
High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me
lift me back up to the sun

I choose to live.

Catch me, heal me
lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Needy hole
please release me

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me
lift me back up to the sun

I choose to live.

Knowlingly

As you sit in the emergency room,
a toddler climbing restlessly all about you
no extra hands in sight,
to help
to hold

Your eyes puffy from tears
of how you got to this place
how your life fell so off course
Or perhaps from
the pain in your
shoulder, hand, face or arm
fresh bruising
appears
as the sunrises

But you stay
allowing another person to treat you
in a way
that shows no love
no honor
and
whittles away at you
a bit at a time


The scar tissue takes hold
in side of us
a place
doctors cannot reach
or mend
and we sit
you and I
waiting
for our names to be called
our turn
our time
as we glance at one another
knowingly

Watch Me Fall

Fantasy and reality tumbled together

Two worlds crashed as one

As details became hazy and blurred
Dreams turned existent and
So did the nightmares
And monsters in my closet
What used to be real
Seemed like a far-fetched delusion
And I continued to fall
Even in confusion, gravity
Could not be disobeyed
I am Alice in Wonderland
Watch me fall

Photo Credit

Random Temptation

Tempted to just toss it all out
fill it up again
Check my watch to be sure
Something's sinking in
Wash it thoroughly
This memory's gonna fade
Take it through the heat
Let the edges fray
Tenderize it slowly
Push it to the edge
Eat it while it's still moving
And claw my way to my deathbed.

Sink and slow.
Ten and eight
Live it long
Procreate.

Take it back.

Take it back.

Hush, Little Suzie

Hush, little Suzie

Don’t shed another tear

For the rain will stop soon

And you’ll be able to run home

Hush, little Suzie

Just smile for now

I see the rainbow coming

And soon will follow a ray of sun

Hush, little Suzie

It will all go away

Soon the playground will be filled with laughter

And your heart will be, too

Smile, little Suzie

Laugh while you can

You’re still young and the world is cruel

But smile for now

‘Cause tomorrow is another battle

♥ Vivy's Nonsense: Hi. I just wrote this out of impulse, boredom, and fatigue.

Here's the Photo Credit.

Sad

by TazDaStripedFox on DeviantART

A Song of Revenge

by XIII

In this world, life's a race
You must never let anybody take over you...
In this world, make your place
You must stand up against everyone and fight...

If somebody gets you, don't let go
You have to give it back, XIII-fold
Dont leave that scar alone, ohhh-oh...
For it's gonna deepen till it hurts
And you've gotta screm out loud
Regretting your stupid action
Of letting him get away with it!

It's the only way to go
You must never leave it alone
Or it'll take over you
And consume your soul...
I have avenged
My former self
I know the sweet taste... Of Revenge...

It's time, to pay back
The one who destroyed you...
It's time, to take Revenge
You've gotta reveal the other side of you...

You've gotta know, certain things
Of the sweet art of Vengeance
You've gotta pay back with all your power...
And teach the enemy
The crushin' Lesson of Revenge
And leave him behind
To bite the dust!

It's the only path to take
To annihilate
Your gratest enemy
Your arch-nemesis...
You've gotta do it
You won't regret it
You must know the sweet taste... Of Revenge...

It's the only way to go
You must never leave it alone
It's the perfect chance
To reveal your darker side...
I have avenged
My former self
I know the sweet taste...
Of Revenge...

Revenge is sweet...

♥ Vivy's Nonsense: Not mine. Just posted for a friend's friend's request. You know the deal. Also, written as requested by the author. No changes were made at all.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Someone Else

I saw Mommy kissing someone else
And he wasn’t my Dad

Why was mommy kissing him?
He’s not my Dad

Mommy loves Daddy, right?
And Daddy loves Mommy, right?

I cover my ears with my pillow
But they’re still too loud

I could hear them through my door
Screaming, yelling, shouting; so angry

Why won’t they stop?
I cry and cry and cry
But they can’t hear me

I hug teddy close to me because he’s scared
And I’m scared too
Please make them stop
Please make them stop
Please! Please! Please!

They stopped then—bam!
The front door slams

Then I heard the car and vroom! Screech!

No more.

I don’t want to look out my window
I didn’t want to see

I don’t know what was going on
And I didn’t want to know

I just want to stay here in the dark
With my teddy, and we’ll pray for it to be okay
And it will be okay because
Mommy said God loves me and He’ll make it okay for me

♥Vivy's Nonsense: again, credit for the photo: http://lilrenia.deviantart.com/art/My-teddy-bear-104865985

Hope you enjoyed it. :]

What's it Like to Lose?

It’s ridiculous!
It’s humiliating!
It’s atrocious!
It’s unspeakable!

To lose to sex, drugs, and alcohol

I’ve never lost in my life
And this by far is the most mortifying loss I’ve ever had

To lose your best friend;
Your confidant;
Your non-biological sister;

To lose a whole world of whimsical childhood memories;
Shared laughs, tears, sweets, and juvenile secrets

Memories of favorite songs, first crushes and first kisses
Gossip bonanzas during sleepovers, and laughable pranks
All those lost and wasted promises

To care for very few people, to trust hardly anybody at all
And to lose.
You could’ve just ripped off my main artery and that would’ve been less painful

♥ Vivy's Nonsense: Ok, so, I just feel totally awful. My gosh, I'm so tired right now. Oh, and credit for the photo: http://facade-of-life.deviantart.com/art/Lions-Monkeys-Lost-Friends-11115751