Join Us in Despair

You know when you were a kid and your diary was full of angst and woe-is-me-ness? That is what this blog is for. Lost your job, dog is sick, someone stole your parking spot, crashed your car, just generally glum? This is the place to put all that lovely grey and those long drawn out sighs.

Lists of sad songs. Depressing movie reviews. Top ten reason to stay in bed. All things not happy. Bring them here.

Are you sick, are you tired? Have you been sick & tired for a year? Share it here. Unhappy, gloomy, dismal, down in the dumps, miserable only. Did you have a bad day, a month... share. Not that tragedy and despair can't be funny, contributors are welcome to make their posts goofy, witty, laugh-out-loudable, just not happy or upbeat.

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Monday, March 9, 2009

File This under Disgrace

He is the monster in my nightmares.
He is the monster in my closet.
He is the monster under my bed.
He is the monster in the dark alley.
He is the monster in the darkness.
He is a monster.

And filthy monsters deserve to suffer for eternity.

When I close my eyes I could see him sneering.
Every time I’m alone I could hear his breathing.
When somebody touches me I feel him crawling under my skin; groping, touching, tarnishing my innocence.

I can feel him hurting me; forcing his filthy self into me.
I could hear him laughing.
I could see his eyes looking at me like his prey; his next helpless victim.

I feel his slimy tongue roaming over my body.
I feel him taking hold of me.

No matter how hard I try I could never remove him.
Never remove his skin, his smell, his voice, his filth.

Every time I run I could feel him chasing.
Every time I scream I could feel him coming closer.
And every time I could feel myself drowning.

And this is what it’s like to live everyday like your life is a living nightmare.


Shadows said...

Vivid. I need a shower now. Good job.

Cat said...

scary shit - the world does not need to create monsters we have so many already amoung us

Anonymous said...

uhm... thanks?

Micky said...

My mother put me in a convent when I was two - I never knew my father. I spent the next 14 years in orphanages in England & Australia.

I discovered alcohol at 16 & pursued it for the next 13 years. I got to AA in 1974, but drank after nearly 11 years sober – marriage break up.

I had my last drink May 1985 by attending AA, but AA wasn’t dealing with my “core issues” – childhood trauma.

I started seeing a counsellor in 1994 - Inner Child & E.M.D.R (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) – to help me process my fear & pain.

The next ten years were a journey of discovery – group therapy, anger management & E. M. D. R.

I started to feel my fear, pain, shame & grief - suppressed from my childhood. I had plenty of support from others who were on a similar path. I was given permission - especially from my counsellor - to process my TERROR!

Four years ago I was wandering around - mental hospital -- completely shattered physically, emotionally and spiritually. The mental torment I was experiencing was absolutely terrifying.

Every waking second, I was having horrifying images from my past. I thought I was being punished for my past sins. My whole life flashed before my eyes and I felt I had failed miserably in my journey through life.

God was slowly penetrating the shield I had put up all those desperate years. I had no “I” - that is what God wanted for me, to become Christ cantered, not “I” cantered. -

There is nothing in this world, but the SAVING GRACE of our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ.

He eventually delivered me from my HELL ; when I got down on my knees and asked Him for mercy and forgiveness for my sins.

Praise the Lord!!

Anonymous said...


Micky said...

steveroni said...

It matters not whether you believe it or not, but I have a Guardian angel who I named Flex...

Micky said...


We had a crazy spring blizzard here yesterday.

I was prepared to spend the night at work...

I am glad I did.
I am already tired from a very long week

And a night without good sleep would not have helped at all.

So, today I go back to work and wrap up this big deal

That has been going on all week. It has been a good week for me.

Then I will get to "normal" life tomorrow.

I will get to a meeting, get my hair done...

Last night the phone kept ringing with people...

Who wanted to make sure I got home OK.

People who wanted to make sure I was OK with all that is going on..

My sponsor called because she was worried about me.

It is a wonderful thing to know that people care..

I am grateful.

All the way around.

Just grateful.

God is so good.